Author(s): Alan Downs

Psychology

The gay male world today is characterized by seductive beauty, artful creativity, flamboyant sexuality, and, encouragingly, unprecedented acceptability in society. Yet despite the progress of the recent past, gay men still find themselves asking, "Are we really better off?" The inevitable byproduct of growing up gay in a straight world continues to be the internalization of shame, a shame gay men may strive to obscure with a faade of beauty, creativity, or material success. Drawing on contemporary psychological research, the author's own journey to be free of anger and of shame, as well as the stories of many of his friends and clients, The Velvet Rage outlines the three distinct stages to emotional well-being for gay men. Offering profoundly beneficial strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior, The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that will influence the public discourse on gay culture, and positively change the lives of gay men who read it. Here, a gay psychologist demonstrates how to heal the trauma of being a gay man in an uncompromisingly straight world. Whether he is flamboyantly fashionable with a body chiselled to perfection or chronically dissatisfied and without lasting relationships, the stereotypical extremes of male gay behaviour are fuelled by the same dark force: shame. The inevitable by-product of growing up gay in a straight man's world, the experience of shame in childhood and adolescence sends a boy the message that he is other and that he is worthless. To avoid feeling shameful later in life - and even after he is no longer explicitly shamed by his sexuality - a gay man will quietly rage against the memory of this message and strive to excel dramatically to prove it wrong. The stereotypical manifestation of this inner battle is a gay man's success in the arts, fashion and in his body image; as with all the other forms of beauty, creativity and success, he is hiding behind the facades he creates. Building on the collected psychological research and the author's own experience of the past twenty years, "The Velvet Rage" will help gay men profoundly understand their dichotomous extremes.Explaining the psychological underpinnings of the forces at play in their lives, it also offers helpful strategies to stop the insidious cycle of avoidance and rage. Empowering and validating, "The Velvet Rage" will influence the public discourse on gay culture and positively change the lives of gay men who read it. First published 2005.